Friday, September 16, 2011

To Be or Not To Be.....Married

We, Kate & Spence, frequently talk about getting married. Or, more precisely, NOT getting married.
One of us has been married and the other has not.  Statistics are not on our side. Look all over the internet and see the results.  There is a difference to being committed to each other via love and devotion and a commitment through a government contract amounting to an ownership of property and basically, ownership of each other. If there are no children involved, what is the point? 

Kate: I'm over 50, never been married, and never once had a family member ask me "so, when are you going to get married?"  I'm lucky to have avoided the usual pressure over the subject.  My mom always told me "there is no hurry."  That was after 3 of my siblings were married within 18 months of each other, each under the age of 22.  Now the 3 of them have 7 marriages between them and only one of them is currently married.  Yikes.  I'm straight, a serial dater, and have enjoyed living in sin more than once. But the thought of eternal coupling scares the crap out of me.  Once I finally accepted the fact that I really didn't want to have kids of my own, I no longer had to wrestle with making that decision.  I have to ask, is the institution of marriage relevant?

Spence:  I, too, am over 50 and was married once for 19 years.  When I was 24 and seriously involved with my girlfriend, I was feeling pressure to get married. Not by her, but by society.  I thought this is the rite of passage, the jouney to happiness, homeownership, secure employment and adulthood.  What I wasn't was mature.  I was still trying to figure out who I was and my need for independence turned into selfishness.  For that reason, the marriage didn't last.  Through the marriage, we raised a wonderful daughter and for that, the institution of marriage rang true for all of the societal benefits marriage provides like health benefits and such.   Why haven't I remarried? Perhaps a lifelong sense of immaturity.

 Kate has an adage ; Independently Dependent.  That works well for us and our lifestyle. 

What's your opinion?


Ernie Branscomb said...

I wrote 27 pages on my marriage and tons of advice for you. Then I wisely deleted them. There is nothing more fun that working things out for yourselves!

Anonymous said...

There are few things as unique as a relationship between a couple. The right way to do it is whatever works for you. As you mentioned, I think a lot of relationships fail because of the pressures that others impose either directly or inadvertently.
Enjoy your happiness!

Al I Mony said...

As a friend once said, "let's make it simple, just find me a woman I hate and I'll buy her a house."

Anonymous said...

I have several thoughts on marriage. One: It's hard!!! Two: It's awesome!!! Three: Would I do it again if the love of my life were no longer here? Most likely, NOT. Four: If kids aren't involved, don't do it.
I like the Independently Dependent. Not having a piee of paper makes no difference whatsoever in your love or devotion to someone. Probably better being paperless! A little less government just might be a good thing with marriage. You think?

Anonymous said...

Marrige isn't for everyone. Some people don't get married because, in their hearts, they know that they won't be with their partner years down the road. Why make it tougher to split because they thought getting married was the right thing to do? Some people just think it's crazy to make the state say...Hey we're legal, and so it will last! You don't have kids, and it doesn't sound like you're going to (AARP is calling), so why bother?!? Do what makes the two of you happy. Love is love...and marriage doesn't make it better. At least in my book.

Anonymous said...

I've known Spence for a coon's age (actually WAY longer than that, I reckon) and I know that this relationship with Kate is the BOMB for him. Though I don't know Kate as well, my guess is that it is a similar blissful sensation for her. This makes me very happy for both of them.

But marriage? Seems like it's becoming an outdated paradigm. And it doesn't seem necessary for the two of you.

But what about a ceremony of some sort to acknowledge the awesomeness of what the two of you have together? Something to share with those around you who reap the benefit of such a union, no matter if it is committed for eternity or not. A great excuse to have a party!

It could be at Wedding Rock in the beautiful Pacific setting perhaps catered by the good folks at Moonstone Grill. Or it could be in the West Harris St Safeway parking lot at 2am, with Lunchables as hors d'oeuvres.

The Editors said...

Oh, so that's it Anonymous(if that really is your name)....Using little personal references to get closer to the action. Well, I for one, am not buying it.

Personally, I think we should hold the ceremony at the Alderpoint Foreign Legion Hall on a snowy January.