Friday, September 16, 2011
To Be or Not To Be.....Married
We, Kate & Spence, frequently talk about getting married. Or, more precisely, NOT getting married.
One of us has been married and the other has not. Statistics are not on our side. Look all over the internet and see the results. There is a difference to being committed to each other via love and devotion and a commitment through a government contract amounting to an ownership of property and basically, ownership of each other. If there are no children involved, what is the point?
Kate: I'm over 50, never been married, and never once had a family member ask me "so, when are you going to get married?" I'm lucky to have avoided the usual pressure over the subject. My mom always told me "there is no hurry." That was after 3 of my siblings were married within 18 months of each other, each under the age of 22. Now the 3 of them have 7 marriages between them and only one of them is currently married. Yikes. I'm straight, a serial dater, and have enjoyed living in sin more than once. But the thought of eternal coupling scares the crap out of me. Once I finally accepted the fact that I really didn't want to have kids of my own, I no longer had to wrestle with making that decision. I have to ask, is the institution of marriage relevant?
Spence: I, too, am over 50 and was married once for 19 years. When I was 24 and seriously involved with my girlfriend, I was feeling pressure to get married. Not by her, but by society. I thought this is the rite of passage, the jouney to happiness, homeownership, secure employment and adulthood. What I wasn't was mature. I was still trying to figure out who I was and my need for independence turned into selfishness. For that reason, the marriage didn't last. Through the marriage, we raised a wonderful daughter and for that, the institution of marriage rang true for all of the societal benefits marriage provides like health benefits and such. Why haven't I remarried? Perhaps a lifelong sense of immaturity.
Kate has an adage ; Independently Dependent. That works well for us and our lifestyle.
What's your opinion?